I'd Write You a Love Letter (This blog is actually about You)

I thought about writing you a love letter.
Quit Laughing!
I am perfectly capable of penning glorious sentiments.
I am also perfectly capable of stealing much better ones.

O, my luve's like a red, red rose,
That's newly sprung in June.
O, my luve's like the melodie,
That's sweetly play'd in tune.

Hmmm, I am disturbed by this sentiment. My love really isn't that red. It definitely isn't rosey. I despise the month of June (my roses are never blooming then anyway).
My love is melodious only if one considers the great musical stylings of WHAM! and Prince to be the greatest expression of musical talent.

Perhaps I should choose another....
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

1. I haven't stabbed you to death yet.
2. There is nothing about you that can't be tolerated.
3. Still haven't stabbed you to death....
4. A lot of my points involve stabbing
5. I am not sure that counts as a romantic sentiment
6. I mean, I would be touched if someone told me "You know, you don't need a stabbing"
7. I wasn't touched when I was told that my composite score made up for my slightly less than perfect attractiveness score.
8. Not that I am bitter about that
9. And by not bitter I mean that I am thinking about stabby things.
10. Pretty sure this list is only going to get me sent to therapy...

Let's not go that route. Seems like a bad course of action. Left turn directly into another sentiment...

Don't you care for my love? she said bitterly.

I handed her the mirror, and said:
Please address these questions to the proper person!
Please make all requests to head-quarters!
In all matters of emotional importance
please approach the supreme authority direct! -

So I handed her the mirror.
And she would have broken it over my head,
but she caught sight of her own reflection
and that held her spellbound for two seconds
while I fled.

ABORT ABORT ABORT ****Too close to the truth! Initiate Immediate Emergency Shutdown! System failure imminent!

I almost got stuck in a loop there.

You rarely say the right thing
I miss you occasionally
Not all the time because that would make you vain and it would make me weak
I'm not a fan of the situation at hand at the moment
But we play the hand we've been dealt
One of us is winning but damned if I can figure out who
I don't believe in ties, which kinda sucks now that I think about it
I want to not celebrate Valentine's day like I did last year
This little missive probably won't reach you
I might as well be speaking Chinese
我要写信给你是驴子，但谷歌可以翻译句子。我不知道你关心不够翻译这句话。我还知道有一个词中的讽刺
(He he...the above sentence is actually hilarious. The Chinese word for sarcasm is fěng​cì​ by the way. Also 谷歌 Gǔ​gē​ means google. It's a sound equivalent. I am pretty stoked that I could see that without knowing the characters entirely. Also, Donkey is not what I had in mind but I am sure enterprising inidividuals will get the point)
Things that make little sense written down should probably not be put out where I keep my general thoughts.
Oh well, they are out there now. To post or not to Post? That is the question.
Actually the question is most likely something a bit more serious.
Do you care now that it's here?
It took me 3 hours to compose this nonsense so I am not even sure if I care anymore.
I vote we go get BBQ instead. Call me if you are interested.

If you folks will excuse me, I am off to be this better person I keep hearing about.
(For people actually interested in the translation try this link: http://us.mdbg.net/chindict/chindict.php?page=translate
*edited for appropriate link*