People who should not attempt to date me (Oldie but Goodie)

Ever since I got the internet sometime back in the age of AOL, I have been interested in relationships formed online. However, I am not 14 anymore, and have learned that there are a few things that should be avoided.

Case of the Ex - We have all met this person. This person is still hung up on an ex of some sort.
Example: "You have blue eyes? So does Susie! Susie is my ex but don't worry I am not interested in her anymore...she dumped me but I am ok with that. I mean we weren't going to work out anyway. Well, we could have worked but she needed to find herself. Gee, I wonder what she is doing right now...sigh Susie with her hair of gold and solid birthing hips. But enough about her, would you like some more wine?"
It doesn't even have to be the most recent ex. I recently went out with someone who was still talking about the girl that he broke up with 10 years ago. I am not against speaking of ex's, but, the whole date? I decided it was time to cut my losses when she was still the topic of date number 2.

Case of the bitter ex- I am sure you all have met this person too. This covers two different people. Someone out of the couple is bitter and they are going to let you know about it.
Example #1 "My ex-girlfriend is such a skank! I paid for her hair, her nails, her clothing, and she freaking cheated on me with the mop up guy at the peep show! I would love to get my hands on her and just beat her until she twitched!They would never find her body. I would sink her to the bottom of the lake with knives shoved in all of her orfices! But enough about her, would you like some more wine?"
or
Example #2 "I am so glad you agreed to see me. I have had such a hard time keeping someone around because my ex shows up and makes scenes and keys cars and occasionally commits an act of arson. I just try to ignore her really. The last girl I dated got her tires slashed but if she had just ignored my ex, it would have been ok. But enough about her, would you like some wine?"

Pushy- Mr or Ms Pushy wants what they want RIGHT NOW! Not that they are trying to be pushy or demanding but there is no reason why you can't get in your car at 1 am and meet them at the park. That isn't unreasonable is it? It's only unreasonable if you are some sort of prude.
Example: "I know we just met but I feel like we have a connection. I can almost always tell when I connect with someone immediately. Want to meet in about 20 minutes? No....? But, we live in the same town. I don't see a problem....I can come to your house then....What? You don't trust me? I mean, come on! I don't understand why you wouldn't want to meet right now! I am not being pushy or anything, and I feel really strongly about meeting right now! Not right now? Oh, so it's not *convenient* right now. I know girls like you! You string a guy along and then expect him to drop everything on YOUR schedule. Well guess what Missy! I ain't falling for it. You're probably bad in bed too! Don't even bother talking to me again.
*next day*
"Hello? Sorry about being worked up last night. I really want for us to connect. How about we meet tomorrow night, no pressure. How about I bring a bottle of wine?"
Yikes, just yikes.

L33t- This is just me being picky. I prefer people who form sentences. The extent of our conversation should cover more than "omg ur so hawt!"
Example:"Omg ur so hawt, wnt sum wyne l8r?"

and Finally

The Depressed soul- This person is oh so sad. They have had so much heartbreak, and he/she is so glad to have finally met someone that they can really communicate with. It's so hard, so very very hard living in Mom's basement without any contact with people who care aside of Mr. Buttons (the 40 lb cat that also lives in the basement)

Example: "I am so glad I met you on this website! I have been single for a long time because I am tired of being used and abused by everyone. I've been kind of lonely but don't think I don't have any friends. I play WoW and have lots of friends there. I also have webkins that my mom brings me. Wait? You're going offline? Are you coming back? What time are you coming back? I just don't want to miss you. Here is my cell number just in case I am upstairs when you come back. Here's the home phone too just in case my cell isn't working. Maybe you can come visit me, I can send mom to the store for a bottle of wine..."
(This last one could have been me a few years back when I was going through a bit of WoW addiction.)

Now if you folks will excuse me, I feel like I could use a glass of wine...