BLOGGER TEMPLATES AND TWITTER BACKGROUNDS »

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Truth advocates abuse


*Disclaimer* This is a story where I advocated the abuse of a woman. If you are easily offended, you should bypass this story and go read about kittens, and rainbows, and Obama.

Right before I broke my leg, I was kicked out of my GURPS group. For those not in the know (like myself right before they introduced me to it), Gurps is a roleplaying system. Think DND but with fewer rules. I was playing with 3 dudes and a chick. *More Disclaimer* I don't need to hear about how I must be anti-feminist, carry on. Generally, I don't fool with too many chicks. It's simply because I don't have the patience for the nonsense that comes with them. I have spent the better part of two years trying to get into a gaming group here in town that has banned females because they bring drama or otherwise interfere with gameplay. True to sterotypical form, this chick spent almost all gameplay complaining about her abusive home situation. "He teaches our son to hit me. He hit me. He won't pay my fines for that time I was driving uninsured. I'm miserable." All the males in our group were Dudley Do-Right, or most likely Dudly Do-Her pretty please, so they spent a lot of time interrupting game play to tell her they would support her in moving out and getting away from the abusive man.

Abusive man was not there to hear all of this conversation. Abusive man was at work. He was too busy being abusive by working to pay bills to come play Gurps. He was so abusive that she felt the need to call him every 20 minutes. "Hi Honey! I miss you! I am totally not sitting here flirting with three other men while you're at work."

Finally, after listening to this for several hours, I grudglingly admitted that I worked for a place that had several programs to help people like her. Before I type the rest of this, I need to get my mind right. *Most Disclaimer* If Raging Stupidity makes your head explode, stop reading here.

She said "Well, I would have to get a ride to the office to apply.Then they would want me to fill out forms. Then they might expect me to get a job and go to school."

I blinked. Then I got kicked out because what came next was apparently the wrong thing to say to or about anyone who might be abused. "If you are too lazy to go get on welfare, then you deserve that beating you are getting. How lazy do you have to be to say that APPLYING FOR WELFARE is too much work? Either your life isn't that bad or you're a waste of air."

So why am I telling this story now? Because the person who told me I was too mean keeps popping up on my match list.

Do I condone abuse? No. Will I tell a lazy ho to get a job? Yes.

If you will excuse me, I am off to campaign against letting darkies and women vote.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

When White Folks Get Married


I love white people. I really do. I love them so much that the Black community has revoked my darkie card since 96. However, as culturally sensitive as I am, there are a few things about white folk that I will never understand.

I went to a white folk wedding this weekend. Before I even got there, I knew that I would probably be overdressed. I knew this because years worth of experience and stereotyping has taught me that white people never dress appropriately for an occasion. I even dressed down and I still felt overdressed for the occasion. This is the most important day of someone's life (well until they get divorced and they have two or three more most important days)! Why in the world would I want to show up to that very special event in flip flops and a summer dress from Walmart? "Because Truth! It doesn't matter what someone wears so long as they are there to celebrate the love and joy and happiness of the event!"

Truth would like you all to know that if anyone tries to pull that BS at one of her weddings, she will start a stabathon. The Happy Couple obviously put a lot of time and care into their wedding. I am guessing they spent well over 75 bucks a head at the reception. I wouldn't buy most people I know a double cheeseburger! The least I can do for someone who spent that much money on any event is have the common courtesy to wear something other than the Walmart Reject line and a pair of sandals that I have been breaking in since 2003.

I will admit that We of the Dark persuasion tend to be overdressed at events. The person who presided over my wedding had a purple suit on (complete with tasteful gold chain and ring). My Father wore a suit that cost more than my car. "See! We don't feel the need to be showy! We just love each other Truth! My Uncle Cleatis may have worn cut off shorts and a wifebeater, but he came just to show us love and support!"(My Uncle Cleatis just came for the free bar, so they 1up'd me there)

On a side note, I would like to have a serious chat with anyone who is planning a wedding. Be mindful of where you sit people. I was stuck at what I lovingly termed the "Bitter Bitch Table". I realize there is a very distinct possibility that I fall right into the category of bitter bitchiness. However, there should be a rule that says there is only one bitter bitch per table. Speaking of 1up'd, I was also stuck with a Bitter Bitch that was also a Mario. Everything anyone had done could not compare to anything she had ever done.

BB: I got a great new job!
M: Really? So did I, I make eleventy billion a year as a model. (Note to readers, just no)
BB: That's great, My boyfriend that still won't commit to me because he's STUPID STUPID STUPID took me to Bali.
M: My boyfriend bought me a condo on the moon!

I could continue but you all get the point. At some point during the evening Mario decided the whole room needed to know that her boyfriend was some sort of Nancyboy gay homosexual because he plays World of Warcraft. "God why can't you do something like real men and play fantasy football?" (Truth would like to point out that the real men probably are playing football outdoors, with a ball, and not with a computer, but that would be crazy talk.) This would have been cute if it were a 20 second outburst. It ceased to be cute when we made it to 3 minutes and she was still berating this man in front of everyone about how much of a man he wasn't in her eyes. Where I come from, that's worth a kick to the ovaries. I sincerely hope that he went home and beat her ass. By the end of the night, I was trying to get the bartender to keep a steady flow of something liver burningly good so he could drown out the shrillness of her voice. "We have discussed this! You know we are going to the dance floor right now! I have no idea why you even try to deviate from the plan that I mostly decided. ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?"

Let's not forget the other category of women there. Ladies, I love you. Really, I do. Might I make a suggestion? I am glad that you had a baby and got to your pre-pregnancy weight. That's outstanding! However, if you are that special age when the tummy didn't snap back....you should probably not wear the skin tight tube dress. People will spend the whole night assuming you are in the early stages of pregnancy. You will be pissed off the moment that someone even insinuates that you look pregnant (and you do when you wear something that tight and still have the flappy tummy leftovers.) Also, we are proud of your motherhood. We love that you gave your child a unique name. We also know you just want everyone to know how trendy and unique you are if you say said child's name twice per minute for the whole night. " Grazia McKhenna (not McKenna like all those other losers that went with that name, we're unique!) come here! Grazia McKhenna, play nicely! Grazia McKhenna, show everyone your cute dress." Don't worry mom, in 13 years you can be jealous of the lithe body that she has and you will never have again.

I can't wait to go to another one of these. If you folks will excuse me, I have to start writing up the dress code rules for my non-existant nuptials.